A Date With A Marxist

October 5th, 2011

Death solves all problems – no man, no problem
Joseph Stalin

In my mind, I know I am perfect. But, the actual truth is that I am not perfect … as much as I would like to convince myself of the contrary. . So, why am I disappointed when others are not perfect? People in glass houses can’t throw stones. I always have very good reasons to walk away from some man or other, the list is long believe me.

There are of course certain things I won’t put up with … violence, abuse, cheapness, no manners, lying and no ambition. I now have a new one that I won’t put up with…Marxism. Strange but true.

I was soooo excited when Alan asked me out on a date, he was tall.  I like tall men, ooooh yes I do! I am not in the least attracted to men I am eye to eye with or who are shorter than me.

Alan also had hair; I adore a good head of hair the Ross Kemp baldy look is not for me. So far so good a very presentable younger man and we were going on a date.

The bar Alan chose for our date was stylish, had good ambiance and a contemporary twist.

Unfortunately my date was not so contemporary he revealed over a bottle of delightful Italian Canti that he was a Marxist. He was even involved in setting up a new political party and had been arrested several times for clashes on picket lines and demonstrations

For those of you that don’t know, Marxism is simple really, the total population is controlled by the government, everything you earn and everything you have is shared by all whether you like it or not….in Marxism you want to be one of the rulers so you can get all you want. As George Orwell said All animals are equal but some are more equal than othersWell I am a more equal kind of gal with as many shoes as Imelda Marcos and I don’t share!

I certainly could not see myself in a soviet flat in a crumbling concrete block such as those to be found in Russia or Eastern Europe. I lean more to the country house, luxury hotel standard of living.

The strange thing was I knew more about communism/Marxism than my date did. His excuse was he wasn’t interested in the past but in the now and the glorious future! Cue the anthem We’ll keep the red flag flying here…

So before I could poison my seriously boring date with radioactive polonium 210 a la Litvinenko, I made my excuses and headed for the exit, giving a sideways come hither stare at the gorgeous young man at the end of the bar, who knows he might be a raging capitalist and an old fashioned millionaire.

The Scourge Of The Dating Scammers

September 20th, 2011

When I told friends I was joining a dating site, several of them told me to watch out for scammers. So I decided to look into what it is scammers do and took a crash course in the art of scamming, forewarned is fore armed I thought. Am I glad I did, because, they are out there!!!

Within a week of joining my first scammer hit on me. Calling himself Randy Perez.  He sent a chat request -they are as rare as hen’s teeth – and I answered. He immediately wanted to go to IM chat, I was cautious but agreed and what a waste of time.  He repeatedly asked if I wanted to be loved and treated like a queen, well who doesn’t?   Our chat was dull and apart from asking if I wanted a soul mate and undying love he would only answer “I See” when I answered his simple question such as do you like movies?

I had a bad feeling about the conversation which was not going anywhere so I told him so. The conversation was not flowing for me and I closed the conversation and blocked him. I received a MASSIVE  e mail telling me all about himself.  Everything but the kitchen sink thrown in.

Everything Randy did was classic romance scam he moved the conversation directly to an external IM because what is said on MSN, YAHOO, GMAIL etc. is not reportable to the website

He sent long emails giving tons of personal information, moved around a lot, only child, looking for love, widowed etc.

Randys profile disappeared off the site as soon as I blocked him

My second scammer was Brad Winters who claimed he was off to Chile because he worked for the US government. Considering he was supposed to have a master’s degree and work for the US government his spelling and constant use of i not I was a giveaway. As were his professional photos taken from a male modelling site.

He was also a widower who had been married to an angel a pearl of a woman; I knew more about his son’s school than he did! I actually sent him an email saying I believed he was a scammer and POOF!! He disappeared.

Last but by no means least was Graham Bagshaw, This is what he wrote:-

“From the very first moment i saw you I knew that we will do great together. It has been so long since a woman has captured my attention so fully or made my heart beat the way it did this cool day in september. Your smile lights up my entire spirit. Your laughter fills me with joy, and your mere presence with me on xxxxdatinggroup warm my house. I have no doubt you are the woman Heaven has made especially for me. Thank you for the comfortable conversations and for accepting me……”

I had never met this man, spoken to him on IM or in person, so it was obviously a load of old rubbish. I emailed him back the following:-

“I don’t know where you are from but you are not a real person > You are BLOCKED do not contact me again” Once again he immediately disappeared. Account deactivated. Surprise Surprise!!

This has not put me off, it’s part of the journey, somewhere out there is my Mr Wonderful, and he will be real and warm blooded and all mine!

Here are some useful tips to help you avoid the dating site scammers. These apply to men and women.

  • They immediately want to get off the web site and onto Yahoo IM or MSN IM
  • Their profile seems to disappear off the web site immediately after conversation begins
  • They claim it was destiny or fate and you are meant to be together
  • They immediately ask for your picture and they send you a picture of themselves
  • They immediately want your address so as to send you flowers, candy, and teddy bears, often purchased with stolen credit cards
  • They claim to love you either immediately or within 24-48 hours
  • They immediately start using pet names with you: hon/hun baby/babe sweety/sweetie or dear/my dear
  • They claim God brought you to him/her
  • They typically claim to be from the US/UK (or your local region) but they are overseas, or going overseas
  • Their spelling is atrocious
  • Their grammar is not consistent with how British/American people speak
  • They appear uneducated with their speaking/writing skills
  • They over-use emotions
  • They are notorious for using BUZZ
  • They are notorious for using “i” instead of “I”
  • They consistently use web speak or abbreviations; u r ur cos pls/plz ma sry brb div
  • They often mix up their phrases: “i” will like to heer from you soonest, I am kool, Do you have any man you care to meet, Do you have any man you planning to meet, Looking for someone to love and care for in life, Am cheerfull in life, I will like to meet someone that is careing and loveing for real in life, “i” am too young for my age if you don’t know, Ok so how will you feel if i says i dont mind you, i will like you to be my best friend, You are so pretty for my likeness
  • They misunderstand our slang or comparisons such as night owl/early bird, poker face

Toy Boy Date Daniel Craig Look-a-Like

September 13th, 2011

One good thing about Internet dating: you’re guaranteed to click with whomever you meet. – Anonymous

Well I have clicked, you’re proving popular today! Said the email from the dating site. There in my in box was a message from a younger man with a look of Daniel Craig about him. I rushed off a response, he replied and the next thing I know we were instant messaging, exchanging phone numbers and then talking in the real world.

He texts me, I text back, which is a great step for me, as I dislike texting and often ignore text messages.  It’s so exciting, nice voice to match the Daniel Craig looks; he is actively seeking an older woman and wants to date yours truly.  Yes!!

Then somehow it went pear shaped. He asked me what I was going to wear on our date, I said I wasn’t sure. No way was I going to to do myself out of the pleasure of trying on a dozen or so outfits before I decided on the one to woo my date.

My Daniel Craig clone became quite assertive he insists I must wear a skirt.  Now I don’t take well at being told what to do.  After all I am a grown woman and haven’t been told what to wear since I was a child. However I am a lady and bit my tongue and said coyly “we’ll see.”

The texts and phone calls continue and now Daniel Craig lets slip he wants “excitement” he is a thrill seeker. He has a job in catering and lives with his parents but claims he lives “on the edge” The edge of what?

Our ideas of excitement are not compatible, so sadly my date is over before it’s begun.

Not to worry, I will walk to the edge if need be, laugh , love, choose without regret, I will listen to what you say, appreciate my friends, continue to learn, do what I love and live as if this is all there is. Oh, must go someone’s just winked at me and I have a new message…

Online Dating – The First Steps

September 9th, 2011

Mae West said “Don’t cry for a man who’s left you, the next one may fall for your smile.” So thinking positive and sticking my head above the parapet after quite a while on my own I pressed the pay pal button to subscribe to on line dating that I hoped would open the portals to love and romoance.

Whilst listening to radio 4 on my drive to work, I listend avidly to a programme about internet dating and stored the tips for later use on my quest.

Finding the right phoot was soooo hard, group photos with me at a friends wedding, hey thats me I am the blonde in the middle, or me with the dog, shows I love animalss but doesnt do the job. I opted for one where I was dressed to impress, which I thought suggested glamour and sophistication. In other words do I look like I am a tree hugger who enjoys fell walking!

Photo sorted, my profile was next how I stressed over what to say, be unique, be light hearted, be honest, these were the tips from the radio show.None of them worked I just rattled of f what came into my head tweaked it a bitand thought, “that will have to do”!With expletives which are not ladylike or printable here!!

Oh joy, photo and profile given the thumbs up, so its ciocs away and off I go into the world wide web, looking for love…

 

Cougar toyboy video discussion

June 29th, 2011

The video link below directs you to an interesting interview by Funmi Iyanda, an award winning Nigerian journalist. The two forty-something women discuss the pros and cons of cougar toyboy dating, although they don’t use those terms. There are some cultural differences, but the topics covered illustrate universal attitudes to older women dating younger men.

You might find some of the interviewee’s ideas controversial; they’re common but quite old-fashioned. The lady obviously isn’t quite up to speed with modern dating trends, although some of her response is based on her own personal preference. Funmi challenges her point of view. This will be fascinating for anyone considering age gap dating. The comment discussion below the video is also worth a read as it takes the debate further.

Or, you could just dive into yesmrsrobinson.com, have heaps of fun and ignore what the chattering classes are gassing about while you’re living it. http://www.lookingformarriedmen.com/looking-for-men/younger-men-and-older-women/

Toyboy tribulations – introducing cougar to mum

June 7th, 2011

Be afraid; be very afraid – and be brave. It’s got to be done if you two are getting serious.

Depending on the age disparity between you both, it could be the case that your mum and your ladyfriend are closer in age than you and your ladyfriend are. There’s no getting away from the fact that it’s all going to be a bit weird, isn’t it? Especially so for your mum, who probably didn’t imagine her precious little boy ending up with a much older woman. All parents hope for the perfect partner for their son and also the perfect mother for their grandchildren. So, there might be a few disappointments to negotiate before they feel able to accept your situation. Your mum might be the one to feel this the most – simply because you’re dating a woman almost old enough to be your mother…

On the plus side, the age similarity between your mum and your cougar lady could mean that they have stuff in common – and they might even get along swimmingly because of this. You never know!

Do broach the age thing with your parents before you take Ms Cougar home to meet them. It would be mean to land this shock on them – unless they really are extremely liberal. Perhaps your partner could take some flowers for your mum?

Really, your parents’ main concern ought to be your happiness, and if this cougar toyboy relationship is making you truly happy, then who’s to argue with that? If they do take serious issue with it, then you’ll just have to agree to disagree. Respect on both sides will go a long way to keeping this situation sweet.

Childbearing cougars

May 17th, 2011

Are you a cougar of childbearing age who hasn’t yet had children? It often seems that all the best blokes of our own age are taken. Or, they’re going through messy divorces, juggling work and part-time fathering responsibilities. So, not much time left over for dating fun. Is it any wonder that middle aged women are turning to toyboy dating for fulfilment?

How do we handle dating a younger man when that biological clock is ticking ever louder? We’re afraid that, if he hears it chiming, he’ll run scared. But, at some point, we might also want to broach the subject of children. At his age, he might not yet feel ready for kids. But show me a man who ever was… Just because he’s young doesn’t mean he wouldn’t want to father your babies. However, it might also mean that the timing’s all wrong for him.

There’s no easy answer to this. If this is a huge concern for you then you must ultimately be honest and open about your hopes. When time is of the essence, don’t waste your life with someone who really doesn’t want to go down that road with you. Perhaps you can still spend time together, but you might reach the understanding that it’s just for fun.

Ten telltale cougar signs

May 9th, 2011
  1. Well dressed: She looks spick and span and scrubbed up, like someone who takes care over her appearance.
  2. Hair dye: She might be sneakily covering up a few silver strands to help disguise her real age.
  3. Laughter lines: Look at her eyes – a few crinkles at the corners and on her neck will give you a rough idea of age, especially if she’s flashing you a sexy smile.
  4. Come hither looks: She’s looking right at you and holding your gaze for longer than is strictly necessary. It’s enough to makes a young man blush!
  5. Venue: She doesn’t look the sort who’s into football or rugby, but you always notice her in the bar where you guys go for your after-training drink.
  6. Hands: Well manicured – not dirty broken gardening nails but nails poised and prepared to scratch your back.
  7. Feet: In summer, look at her feet – do those little piggies look like they’re waiting for a nibble? Are they clean, polished with a big toe pointing in your direction?
  8. Confidence: She’s happy enough to be sipping a cocktail alone in a well-healed bar. She’s not gnawing on her nails, looking like a rabbit caught in the headlights.
  9. Mystery: She has an air of mysterious allure about her – a wise countenance as if she’s lived life and is harbouring hidden stories.
  10. Forward: She’s just ambled over, winked and waved a leaf from her Moleskine under your nose. Written on it is her number. Call it ­– the rewards will be plenty.

Toyboy–teacher dating disaster

March 22nd, 2011

Have you been watching Waterloo Road (BBC1, Wednesdays 8pm)? In a storyline that Zoë Heller would be proud of, we have a teacher pupil love affair that’s bound to end in tears.

Young Miss Montoya, Spanish teacher with a tight dress, offered Jonah Kirby extra lessons that a hot-blooded young male couldn’t refuse. It was the student who did the seducing in this case, but Miss Montoya was increasingly attracted to him and fell in love. She knows her job will be on the line if anyone finds out, but she’s serious about him so finally decides it’s worth the risk.

In situations like this, there could be as little as five years between teacher and pupil if she’s fresh from training and he’s a sixth-former. It probably still counts as a cougar toyboy relationship since there’s a world of difference between an eighteen-year-old manchild and a twenty-five-year-old woman in terms of life experience and outlook. In this case, Jonah is particularly mature for his years having been home-schooled for much of his life. However, in many cases, having a man’s body doesn’t equals having a man’s mind.

I think it’s the illicit star-crossed nature of this pairing that is the furnace fuelling their attraction – perhaps on her part at least. Some people love having a secret and that keeps the frisson fizzing. I’ll be interested to see if it survives after reality kicks in, when she loses her job and they have no money to pay the bills. I’ll be surprised if this one has a happy ending. The programme must have a large school-age following and they probably couldn’t be seen to condone it.

So, if you have a heart-squeezing crush on your teacher, don’t expect the same reception as Jonah if you try to pursue it. And, when she knocks you back, don’t forget that you won’t be able to escape the embarrassment, seeing her day in day out and even having to have one-to-one chats about your grades. If you’re a teacher in love with a pupil, you already know how reckless it could be to overstep the mark in a position of responsibility. Either don’t do it, or make darn sure you never get found out.

Toyboy tales: Win ‘Cougars’ book on Twitter

March 4th, 2011

We have five brand spanking new books to give away: ‘Cougars’ by Claire Irvin is due for release on 17th March 2011. It tells the tale of Caroline Walker, a forty-something wife and mother whose husband does the dirty. This releases her into pastures new as she makes up for lost time, discovering the younger men she should have been dating in her twenties. Sound familiar?

Bag your copy! Follow us on Twitter then retweet. First five followers to retweet will be our lucky winners.

If you can’t wait until March, here are some other cougar toyboy tales with which to dive under the duvet in the meantime. I’ve missed out Mrs Robinson’s own story, The Graduate, since it’s taken as read that you’re on familiar footing with that:

Notes on a Scandal by Zoë Heller: Female teacher beds male pupil and ends up in sticky career pickle.

The Younger Man by Sarah Tucker: Divorced divorce lawyer engages in some water-cooler action with new boy at work.

The Cougar Club by Susan McBride: Three middle-aged betrayed women discover the importance of friendship and staying young at heart in a youth-obsessed world.

A Much Younger Man by Dianne Highbridge: Another ‘schoolteacher beds teenager’ novel. This has attracted sparkling reader reviews for tackling the situation with intelligence and depth as well as being a sexy read.