Archive for ‘Cougar Coach’

Are you a cougar of childbearing age who hasn’t yet had children? It often seems that all the best blokes of our own age are taken. Or, they’re going through messy divorces, juggling work and part-time fathering responsibilities. So, not much time left over for dating fun. Is it any wonder that middle aged women are turning to toyboy dating for fulfilment?

How do we handle dating a younger man when that biological clock is ticking ever louder? We’re afraid that, if he hears it chiming, he’ll run scared. But, at some point, we might also want to broach the subject of children. At his age, he might not yet feel ready for kids. But show me a man who ever was… Just because he’s young doesn’t mean he wouldn’t want to father your babies. However, it might also mean that the timing’s all wrong for him.

There’s no easy answer to this. If this is a huge concern for you then you must ultimately be honest and open about your hopes. When time is of the essence, don’t waste your life with someone who really doesn’t want to go down that road with you. Perhaps you can still spend time together, but you might reach the understanding that it’s just for fun.

Apart from this site, of course, where can cougar ladies find tasty toyboys to play with in everyday life? Here are some ideas:

Wi-Fi zone/ Internet café:

These places are often staffed by hunky young baristas. Also, young men love to hang out where they can play with technology and sup a decent cuppa. Anywhere that enables good connectivity will attract them.

Taking your laptop might be a good excuse to start a conversation such as, ‘how strong’s your connection? Mine’s great, come and sit over here (pat-pat-pat)!’ Or, if you’re having technical problems, mister barista might be willing to help out. He’ll have to lean over your shoulder to get a better view. Plan ahead – wear that ever-so-slightly-revealing top, just in case!

If your targeted toyboy has his nose glued to an android phone, ask him what the latest funky apps are. Or, if you need to know any information and you haven’t yet graduated to android, you could use this as a way to start a conversation. Boys love to show off their toys. Ask him for directions, or even if there’s a sexy lingerie shop nearby. I’ve noticed than men in general are increasingly to be found fiddling with their hand-helds in public!

Public spaces/ parks:

Take care with your choice – some parks are perpetually inhabited by over-friendly down-and-outs clutching whisky bottles in paper bags. Keep to well-populated areas. I’m thinking summery weekday lunchtimes in public squares and green spaces. Anywhere that sees people kicking back from a hard morning’s work, catching some rays and admiring the view (you). Perhaps you can happen to be there at the same time every day if you clap eyes on toyboy temptation. Don’t be stalky about it though – no following allowed!

If you’re eating lunch, think about crumbs – that filo pastry tart will just make you look like you need a bib rather than showing off those sumptuous lips. Think crisps or grapes – they can be offered and shared. If it’s a windy day, your napkin might just flutter onto his lap…

Remember, a toy boy is not just for Christmas… He might not be forever either, but you’ll probably still want to give him a little festive gift.

Last year, I suggested your good self as a possible filler for a nice pair of stockings, which is lovely but not quite selfless once he’s unwrapped you. So, think small gadgetry or humorous personalised items. He might like manly treaty food such as exotic recipe dark chocolate, or try the specialist food section of a fancy supermarket if you know his taste. How about a token from a music store? Underwear and socks should probably be reserved as a gift from his mother, so avoid those. Think fun, and you won’t go far wrong.

Have you decided whether or not you’re each going to be meeting family this Christmas? As with any relationship, whether or not you choose to do Christmas together depends on what level you’re at. Although, we know that family might not accept your cougar toyboy hook-up in the welcoming way they’d accept a same-age relationship, so be prepared for veiled and not-so-veiled comments from relatives. Offspring could prove to be problematic in this respect, especially if a toyboy is taking the place of dad at the dinner table for the first time! Perhaps you could think about seating arrangements and put your eldest, or yourself, at dad’s former place at the table – not your toyboy!

Christmas can go either way – people can be on their best behaviour to begin with, but a few glasses of sherry can unleash any sarcastic tongue that wants to give you a good lashing. So, tread carefully. You might be lucky enough to have broad-minded relatives, but if you can’t face it, you can always keep in touch by texting: Your family will just have to wonder what has given you that mysterious rosy glow which is emanating more heat than the Christmas log.



Ladies, although we want cougar toyboy dating to be all about fun, sometimes we must address the tricky stuff: This week, on BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour, there was a report regarding the increasing occurrence of STIs in female over-50s. The report concentrated mainly on HIV stressing that, although it was by no means a huge problem, new diagnoses are on the up.

Most of you are likely to be sensible in your midlife sexcapades, but we thought this was worth mentioning because, as the report suggests, cases are often initially undiagnosed in this age group until advanced. This is partly because doctors aren’t necessarily expecting to find HIV in post-menopausal women, so they misinterpret the symptoms as indicating other illnesses, and therefore the disease goes undetected and untreated.

One major reason for the increase is that pregnancy is no longer a risk at that age, removing one of the needs for using barrier protection. With more people divorcing and having affairs than ever before at this stage of life, casual sex is also more common. Some are contracting HIV because their partners have had affairs, others simply because they’re failing to use the right protection. As teenagers, HIV didn’t exist for this generation, but the fear of illegitimate pregnancy loomed large. Perhaps, with the pregnancy issue out of the way, people feel set free to enjoy unprotected sex. When HIV was dominating the media, these women were likely to be snuggled into marital monogamy, possibly believing that HIV could never affect them.

The advice from Woman’s Hour is that if you’ve had unprotected sex, or suspect a sexual partner has, then do trundle down to your local GUM clinic for a road check (don’t worry – they’ve seen it all before).

How about trying the female condom? Early models were notorious for crinkly noises akin to an empty packet of Wotsits. However, recent versions, made from nitrile rubber rather than polyurethane, don’t make quite so much of a racket. They also offer a greater area of protection than the toyboy condom. Have fun! But make sure it’s carefully covered fun.

This post is aimed at cougar ladies who have grown-up kids. Perhaps the fruits of your loins have recently flown the nest to college, or they’ve finally moved out to their own place. Whatever the scenario, both parties are enjoying a new-found independence and – more to the point – privacy. Perhaps this has led you to explore cougar toyboy dating options? Have you been looking forward to reclaiming a precious sense of personal space? Whatever has led you here, it means that you can now afford to relinquish certain responsibilities and not worry too much about leading by example: You can come and go as you please and see whoever you want with no one to answer to. Sound familiar?

This new-found freedom will probably take a bit of getting used to: It might be the first time you’ve lived alone, and the first time for years that you haven’t had to worry about what time those troublesome teenagers are rolling in at night. It’s time for some role reversal: Very soon, you too could be tiptoeing up to the front door in the wee hours setting the neighbours’ curtains twitching. This could all be thrown into sharp focus when those fledglings return home for the hols. What happens to your new-found freedom then?

When they return, they’ll certainly have grown up very fast. They won’t want you fussing and fretting about them staying out late. It works both ways though – you will also have settled into a new routine and won’t appreciate curious sons or daughters peeking over your shoulder when you’re ‘sexting’ your toy boy! (That’s what the young folk are up to these days, so I’m told.) Both parties will require their privacy and both parties should try to be respectful of this new status quo. Hang onto this because it will give you bargaining power when you drop the bombshell…

If one of your dates has eventually turned into a toyboyfriend, you might be hard pushed to keep him secret during Uni. holidays. It could come as a bit of a shock to your offspring to find that mum’s been up to nonsense (if you’re lucky) with someone almost half her age while they’ve been away. But, you can field any backchat by making it clear that you also deserve a bit of fun after dedicating so many years to child rearing.

Some of you will have had the ‘but age doesn’t matter’ conversation with daughters who date unsuitably older men. You can remind her of this if things kick off when you share your news. You can use their own assertion of new-found independence to your advantage in explaining the need for mutual respect; it’s not just ‘yoof’ who can be footloose and fancy-free. Your offspring might suggest that your ‘friend’ has more in common with their generation than with you in a bid to ridicule your situation. If that’s the case, you can say that there’s no reason why they shouldn’t all get along famously when he comes over for dinner…

You’re about to have a catch-up date with some non-cougar girl friends, and you’re dying to tell them your latest gossip: You’ve been seeing a certain toyboy (or three) and you want them to mirror your delight. You’d really like to feel that they support you in your latest pursuits and that they’re happy for you. Well, don’t be surprised if you receive a mixed reception. Some will celebrate the news, clinking glasses with utterings of ‘you go grrrl’, ‘what a result’ and ‘I want one too!’. Lascivious laughter and probing questions follow, which you may, or may not, choose to answer! They’re the friends who are generally happy and contented with their lot.

However, watch out for the sourpusses who wish to burst your toy boy dating bubble. Some will genuinely fear for your heart and wish it to remain unbroken, but some will hide behind faux concern to make you wobble about your toyboy dating choices. Beware the green-eyed monster raising its ugly head! For example, they might suggest that the young man in question is obviously only after your money, or that ‘it’ll never last’. This is an insulting and dismissive response – have they neglected to notice that you’re still an attractive woman sporting a recently acquired ‘special glow’?

Perhaps the friends who question your choices don’t feel attractive for some reason. Have they had children late in life meaning that they are still up-to-their-eyes in nappies? Or are they fatigued by the endless school run and picking up after the family? They might even be stuck in their expectations of the safe ‘old you’ role that they’re used to. Some people are simply afraid of change, or feel left behind. Take all of this with a pinch of salt and don’t let doubters spoil your fun. Trust in your own judgement and experience of life. After all, any man of any age could potentially break your heart, but if you don’t leap you could miss out on a whole load of fun. If you do suspect that a friend’s negative response is really about their own unhappiness, then take the sensitive route; try not to gloat too much about your sexy new toy boy and how he delights in ‘ironing out your furrowed brow’.

Bear in mind that it can also be nice to keep your mysterious and delicious secret hidden. If folk ask about what lies behind your blushing broad grin, let them tease it out of you. At least then they can’t accuse you of showing off, and it might make the whole world of cougar toyboy dating seem all the more enticing.